She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
