you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
