Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
