the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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