when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
