oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
