Apparently you make a good broom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
