I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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