i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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