Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
