my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
