Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
