You're so nebulous sometimes
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
