a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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