Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
