My friends, they love my intelligence
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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