The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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