I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
