my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
