Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just google imaged poop.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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