It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
