I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
