After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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