so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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