Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
