One girl and one boy is just not enough.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
