A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
