my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
