mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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