Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
