I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
