hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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