Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
