the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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