its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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