I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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