Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
