don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't deserve a penis
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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