So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
