Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
