I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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