That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
