You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
