Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to have your abortion
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
