in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
