she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
