dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
