my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
