Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
