You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
